She and I have a weekly date: the three mile trail along the river – a mile and half down; a mile and a half back. Along the way we talk about classes and job possibilities while simultaneously solving the world’s problems. For two hours I walk beside her, listening and all the while wondering: is it genetically possible to be this thin? I can see her collarbone and the rough edge of her shoulders. Her biceps are so small I could wrap my whole hand around one. I feel guilty, trekking alongside her at a quick pace, wanting to sit her down instead and feed her cake and 6 ounces of prime tenderloin filet. Cheese and whole milk and some ice cream on the side. Mounds of mashed potato thick with butter, and onion-topped green bean casserole.
Eating disorders on a college campus are not unheard of and sometimes I find myself worrying about these girls at every turn, constantly scrutinizing – does she look ok? I’ve watched girls at another table pick at salads, moving it around rather than actually ingesting the bright green leaves and protein rich chicken. I’ve seen the fine facial hair through their make-up and how they arrange the pony tail to hide the thin places on their scalp.
I worry about these girls. And I worry about her.
But how do I broach the subject? How do I ask about eating habits without driving her away? How do I tell her that God loves her, that she is worthy, that she was created in the image of God and therefore incarnates a divine impulse. How do I tell her that God loves her actual, physical body?
Poking around on the web, I ran across this:
Eating Disorders in College
By Mary Anne Knapp, LCSW,
Clinical Social Worker for the Center for Counseling and Psychological Services
http://www.sa.psu.edu/insights/pdf/eating_disorders.pdf
What to Do if You’re Concerned About a Student
1) Set aside a time to talk privately and respectfully about your concerns in a caring and straightforward way. Try to pick a time when you won’t be distracted or pressured for time.
2) Listen closely. Encourage your student to talk about the struggles they are experiencing adjusting to college or feeling good about themselves. Even though students might not feel comfortable talking about their eating disorder behaviors, they may be able to share their anxieties about doing well or their recent discouragements.
3) Communicate your concerns with behavioral examples and in a non judgmental way. Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt for the student’s actions or attitudes. This will only causethe student to clam up.
4) Explain that you think these things may indicate a need for professional help. Offer to find out about services on campus and support your student by helping them to make an appointment and explore insurance coverage for private treatment. Offer to accompany them if itseems like this will help them get started in treatment.
5) Get help and support for yourself if you are struggling about how to proceed or find that you’re worried. Consider reading self help books such as Surviving an Eating Disorder: New Perspectives and Strategies for Family and Friends by Michele Siegel, Judith Brisman and Margot Weinshel.
Other links
Helpful Books
- Hornebacher, Marya. Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulemia. New York: Harper, 1998.
- Gottleib, Lori. Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Fine piece, David. A great example of ministry outside the usual parameters. Wondering how your conversations with this student came out. Any progress report?
Re-visiting the blogs and just realized that this one was from you, Heather (not David).
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing it as well as the others (and Donna’s too). Awaiting
your next one.